GOSSIP

You often hear that word today. It seems that everywhere you look there's a finger pointing at someone saying, "Don't gossip" or "You're a gossip" or "Stop talking...you're gossiping." Let's take a look at this.

Why do we gossip? I think we gossip because we're fickle. We in our lives talk to each other about everything except what's important, and feel embarrassed when we do say something worth saying. We say, "Isn't it nice out today," or "That was a hard exam," or "Did you get your program to work," but how often do we say anything of eternal value, any words of encouragement or exhortation? Seldomly, I think. We are too selfish, or something, to take 5 seconds to compliment someone when they do something of value for us, and in return we are too selfish to do something nice for someone else, or even take notice of their presence, or their existence. Thus, since everyone is frustrated and at times feels like they have a book on their hearts just waiting to be released, they talk -- to anyone who will listen. People have problems. Sometimes people just need an outside perspective, but often it's because the real affected parties won't listen, and when the people most involved in the problems won't listen, the people with the problems go through their list of friends or even strangers, looking for someone -- anyone -- to sympathize with them and encourage them or give them good advice. What a tragedy that one's closest friends are not willing to offer this. What are friends for, again? Small talk? Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot.

And is this so-called gossiping wrong? Is it wrong to vent to someone? If so, why? Why is it wrong to share your feelings every once in a while, to let it be known that you do think and you do feel, rather than live life as a mindless robot? Of course it's said to be wrong because usually it involves negative attitudes about someone else, and that is a problem. It can be character assassination when the "getting ripped on" party isn't there to present their side of the case. But the gossipee should know this, and realize that the gossiper is in fact just venting, and realize that something isn't true just because a gossiper says it is. Yes, we all say things we really don't mean. No, we shouldn't say them. But what other outlet is there? (See the previous paragraph.) Go away and be quiet is not a good answer.

Even though I'm trying to say here that what we call gossip isn't always evil, it's still a serious charge to level at someone. But while we are fickle as people, we're also cruel. We will go around making jokes and calling each other names. If our words could kill (or our lack of words), who would be left to tell about it? But do we learn? Yeah, right. No, we just keep on living the same way over and over again, hurting each other. Why do we act like that? "Hurt people hurt people," or so they say. Is it just that, or are some people just mean? I'm not sure. Is it someone's unchangeable nature, someone's choice, or someone's environment that makes them be less than an ideal person?

In my life, in light of all this, I have resolved (a scary word) to love my friends unconditionally, and hope that they won't ignore me completely and run away, like they often do. The idea is to take my mind off of looking for happy friends, and just be a happy friend to them. "Be a good friend, and don't expect much in return." Someday it will pay off, I believe, I hope, maybe. For the present though, being someone's "good friend" for me is always giving and only occasionally receiving (or not really, it's receiving some of the time, but at other times being clearly and completely rejected, which makes the receiving of friendship, what there is of it, seem completely fake). But I digress...

Anyway, I think we should be careful with our words, but not silent either. We should strive to live in harmony with everyone, and harmony doesn't just mean mutual ignore-ance of each other. Ideally, we should all be able to be friends together and share each others' time and interests, and talk about things "from the heart." Call me idealistic...but I see that the ideal is too good to be true in real life with real people.

As always, if you think I'm wrong, prove it. I try to be open-minded, although many people try rather diligently to close my mind by the way they live their lives. But "we can't judge" now, can we? Whatever. Never criticize. Never talk. Never feel. Never think. Just keep it to yourself. Like I said, whatever.

Joe, 9/8/99